Hello Friends,
There is a lot to be gained from thoughtful planning and intellectual work. We make plans, set goals, structure our days in ways that provide a tremendous amount of comfort. We love to imagine life is like this or that. Work is like this or that. We say, “This has to happen that way because…”
There comes a moment, however, when we must submit ourselves to the fact that huge aspects of life are not in our control. This submission has its own value and wisdom. Enormous aspects of our lives lie in the hands of the unknown. Our minds, however impressive, cannot peer into the future and wrestle it of every last ambiguity. We are subject to many variables. Our mental telescopes only permit us to see so far. Yesterday I sent a poem to TNSM families that was written by Jen Bryant. It reads:
And Later . . .
BY JEN BRYANT
I take my kaleidoscope off the shelf,
look through the little hole at the end
of the cardboard tube;
I turn and turn and turn and turn,
letting the crystals shift into strange
and beautiful patterns, letting the pieces fall
wherever they will.
Click to hear Jeff reciting the poem.
Click to learn how to make your own kaleidoscope.
This poem resonates with me during this time. In many ways our children are much better in this moment than we are. They know, intimately, that Life is constant change. Their bodies are changing and they are always learning new things. We, however, are not so good at it. We like things to stay the same. Stable and safe. Holding on to a plan that no longer works, or obsessively thinking about things you can not control will provoke a lot of mental stress. When things have changed as radically as they have, we too must change. What that change looks like in our lives is hard to say, but being open to it is a great first step.
I am reminded of a short story that comes out of the Buddhist tradition that is sometimes referred to as the Raft Parable. It goes like this:
Suppose that a man is facing a great river and he has to cross to the other shore, but there is no boat to do so, what will he do?” He would cut some trees, tie them together and build a raft.
He would sit on the raft and using his hands or a stick, move to cross the river. Once he reached the other bank, what would he do?
He would drop the raft because he no longer needs it.
What he would not do, thinking about how useful it had been, is to load it on his shoulders and continue the journey with the raft on his back.
So what do we do in the face of so much uncertainty? Show kindness. This is the best answer, in my opinion. And here’s the thing, Kindness is just as contagious as the Coronavirus, if not more. Studies show that kindness spreads like a virus. A Harvard study found that kindness ripples out to a radius of three social steps. In other words, when we do something kind, that affects our friends, our friends friends, and our friends friends friends. HERE is a short video example of how kindness spreads. These acts of kindness do not need to be big. Just small gestures that ripple out and quietly, radically, change the world.
Ideas for Acts of Kindness
- https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/coronavirus/random-acts-kindness
- https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/13/learning/what-acts-of-kindness-have-you-heard-about-or-participated-in-during-coronavirus.html (ends with discussion questions to have with your children)
- https://www.theactivetimes.com/home/acts-kindness-coronavirus/slide-4
- https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/helping_others_can_help_you_cope_with_lockdown
Mental Health
- https://coronavirus.ohio.gov/wps/portal/gov/covid-19/families-and-individuals/coping-with-covid-19-anxiety/kids-and-covid-19
- https://coronavirus.ohio.gov/wps/portal/gov/covid-19/families-and-individuals/coping-with-covid-19-anxiety/covid-19-and-anxiety
- https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/02/opinion/mental-health-coronavirus.html
- https://adaa.org/webinar/consumer/managing-coronavirus-anxiety-tips-and-strategies-families (video/ 30 minute webinar)
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I943-gP904(video/1 minute of tips)